my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You are the jesus of drinking
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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