She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
