Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
