Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
