i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She bit a glass in half.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
