Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
