I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
