Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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