Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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