How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
