Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
