and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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