They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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