i permit you to call me
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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