im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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