what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
