Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
