He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
