Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
