people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
