White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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