i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
