Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
