There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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