you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
