she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
