if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I could fuck to npr.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
