Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
