Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
