Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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