matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
