I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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