When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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