I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
