I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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