Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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