I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
