but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
