i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
