This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
