Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I cut my penus on the lid.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
