and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
