First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
