Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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