When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
