we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
