So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
