This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
