Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
