uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
