1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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