you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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