go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
