i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
