I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
