You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
