How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
