Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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